Are you okay?

Today was a story of personal contact for the books. It began with the meeting of the most wonderful family in Lake Forest Park.

The ease with which they accepted three strangers into the recesses of their home and shared their family pictures and life stories was a level of invitation I had never experienced before. They treated us as if we were not strangers but family friends who were coming to see the new place.

The bus ride back downtown was crowded. There was a woman maybe fifty standing in the aisle next to me. I offered her my seat and she accepted it with a sincere look of thanks. (I've been attempting to do the little good deeds whenever the opportunity presents itself since high school, holding doors, helping with furniture, giving up my seat and then making a deliberate effort not to tell anyone. It would invalidate my motives if I told people. Forgive me for invalidating for the sake of a story.) A small birthday lunch for a friend at the public market and we were on the bus home.

We were forced to the back. You remember elementary school where the back of the bus housed the troublemakers. Public transportation is elementary school all over again. Naomi sat in the open seat. I stood and Ai was going to stand as well. Then a military looking 50 year old man with a mustache and the equivalent of a five o'clock shadow over his otherwise bald head rose to give Ai his seat. I smiled one of those idealistic smiles. The kind that sneaks out when you realize that maybe life can be like a cheesy insurance commercial where good deeds spread.

Life is not a cheesy insurance commercial.

After Ai sat, this man said, "God Dammit, there isn't a man under 30 who knows what it is to be a good man anymore. What happened to chivalry?" clearly directed at the twenty-or-so university student sitting next to him. It earned the clever retort from the student, "I guess most girls these days would prefer not being treated as inferiors". The bald guy pretended not to have heard and then began to commiserate with the only other 30+ male on the bus.

"Respect your elders". An evil cliché. Respect Wisdom. Age is not Wisdom.

Enter 30+ guy 2.

"Ahhh, hitting up the Icehouse" began the commiseration. "You know it, buddy". Screeched the well dressed but disgustingly drunk, greasy man as he proceeded to act as if he owned the entire tail end of the bus.

I've seen drinking on public transportation before. It's no problem when people are hoping to just be left alone. When people are seeking attention they usually find it. The two wise men shared stories of how to best mix Vicodin and hard liquor and how the "clean and sober" housing on Pike never "checks". Nearly bald guy suggested to be careful about mixing, he was a medic in the Navy back in the day. Mr. Icehouse began to whine on about how people hated him for his Native blood and how great this UW Pow Wow was going to be.

It was when he started directly questioning the girl sitting directly next to him about what made her, her friend and all other little Asian girls so hot that I became fed up with abrasive ignorance overwhelming respect.

"Are you okay?" was my simple question to him.

A look of relief came over the girl and a strangely befuddled one came over him. He asked me what I'd said.

I repeated, "Are you okay?"

At which point the two began a tirade of how "He could kick my ass", "Bitch, ask me if I'm okay again" and "not a good one under 30". I smirked at the irony that the under-30 comment had originally been made about chivalry and here I was stepping in on her behalf and still "not a good one". I had no doubt that either one of them could easily have killed me with their bare hands which is probably why my courage got off the bus about 20 minutes before me.

I turned and ignored them for the rest of the ride which was difficult since I was standing next to the bald guy and about 3 feet from Mr. Icehouse and "his woman".

All I know is that sometimes you hit a wall when it comes to breaking through to people. Sometimes it is impossible to understand where someone is coming from because there is a close-mindedness there that results in a lack of logic. Sometimes they can't see that not all young people are evil or that people don't hate them for their blood. Sometime they're unwilling to connect the irony that a bus ride to the Pow Wow about women's rights is not a good time to verbally molest the girl next to you. Sometimes they're flat unwilling to see things from a different point of view.

I've been reflecting for the last four hours on what I could've said or what I should've done to make that turn out better. Called the police? Told the driver? Traded seats with the girl sitting next to him? I'm not sure. All I know is that, stupidly, I feel guilty that I didn't continue the conversation with him. That I couldn't get him to understand what I was saying. That warm lead haze of frustration floats back over me.

Stay open-minded.